I st arted doing this in my 20’s. I would be with a customer and almost instintually i st a rted to mimic them, to be like them with my volume, tone of voice, body l a ngu a ge, a ttitude, etc.
I never re a lly understood why i w a s doing it, but i’m gl a d i did. Bec a use it works like m a gic. People like doing business w/people who a re like themselves.
Rapport is people totally responding to the other. That connection, that spark. Easily gotten with people who are like you. Created by a feeling of commonality. (ask questions to find out something you hav in common w/them) Words are only 7%. Matching & mirroring always gets rapport. People like people who are like themselves or are how they would like/want to be. Same is true for people you don’t like, they are not like you or not like how you want to be. I.e “I think this is a waste of time, i should just go.” (mimic their tone/volume/body posture, etc… I’m sure it looks that way on the surface, but you haven’t tried this so you haven’t tried everything & I think you should stay. (the person would go, hmmm something about this person I like, just something that seems real about him to me) or You sit down, you haven’t tried everything, you’ve not done this before, you’re staying right here. (Hey i like this guy, he’s got some spunk, kick ass, maybe he can do something) Whatever they send out, send the same message back & then train them, so when tell their subconscious what to do, they just did it.
Goto singles bar or restaurant, notice what happens when people 1st meet, n’ see the rapport. People sit down & start leaning in same direction, start nodding their heads @same tempo. If one’s tapping their foot, often you’ll see the other tapping their foot. Volume & tone of voice will start to mirror. If they’re not in rapport you will see the exact opposite.
Most people judge others mostly by their STYLE initially. Eventually you need substance. If someone’s voice sounds like a dentist’s drill/their style drove you up a wall.
Phone: tone of voice, tempo/speed (sounthern v.s New Yorker), volume, terminology/key words i.e “magnificent is not same as fantastic”, mirror their words they will feel heard, understood & feel you are as smart as they are. Accent, but only if it’s ur true accent or you will break rapport.
In person: Posture (upright v.s relaxed). Gesture–something they do i.e (hand motion/gesture) when they feel they are making an important point. “You know i think thats a great idea. Can i ask u a question though. What if we did this(same gesture they just did) instead.” They will look at you/feel like you are a friend.
I.e Do whatever a person does that is at an angle to you or right in front of you for 5-10 min & then you do something/make a change, they will probably mirror your action–called pacing & leading. Also called entrainment–grandfather clocks in same room will hav pendulums swinging same, when women hang out together they will have their periods@same time so all men are crazy during that time. (when they are in rapport, their periods become in synched)
Facial expressions. Eye contact–if they look away, look away. If they stare, stare.
Breathe exact same pace as another (very powerful), you will feel what they are feeling. But you gotta be breathing from the same location & tempo. You will feel really close to them.
- Do you breathe in unison while ur making love. Feel connected, total oneness w/each other. Mirror their breathing (it’s very subtle, but huge).
Proximity(also huge)–personal space. People’s neck/face will tighten & stop/slow their breathing if you get too close. How do you know how close to get? Use ur acute sensitivity sensory. Feel them out. Different for everyone & it can change, someone can hav initial reaction & then let you closer. Rapport breaker if you get too close. Some r ok w/body, but not face.
Touch/hand shake–do as they do. Pat on the back. (do it back to them i.e 3 taps)
You don’t hav to mimic everything they do, but u’d be surprised at how much you can do without them noticing. I.e You could get rapport just by leg position (and bounce ur foot if their bouncing theirs) & tone of voice. Physiology is 55% of communication. It makes them feel comfortable. After a while you can slow ur bounce down if you want & they will slow theirs. (pacing & leading) If they uncross their leg, you don’t hav2uncross that moment, you could wait until you start talking. (requires a change is physiology & no1will ever notice)
Don’t go overboard in doing everything or try too hard. Must be natural.